tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699981774111452762.post6346023916913920947..comments2024-03-28T02:35:05.107-07:00Comments on The Joy of Story: You and Your Siblings Had Different Parentsjohn M. Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00175415154857919353noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699981774111452762.post-24491242407404055172012-05-29T12:27:36.147-07:002012-05-29T12:27:36.147-07:00My sister swears I was an only child!My sister swears I was an only child!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13227122754996543655noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699981774111452762.post-7793097477816920162012-05-28T10:24:45.683-07:002012-05-28T10:24:45.683-07:00I agree with you, Eileen. Years ago I had the plea...I agree with you, Eileen. Years ago I had the pleasure and honor of publishing a collection of memoir pieces by John Espey. Espey had already published dozens of such pieces in The New Yorker, and they had been collected into book form and published by Knopf. But the ones he brought to me, which we published as STRONG DRINK, STRONG LANGUAGE, were the essays he couldn't publish until after his parents were both dead.john M. Danielhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00175415154857919353noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699981774111452762.post-91818705357080826112012-05-27T19:59:14.061-07:002012-05-27T19:59:14.061-07:00I write memoir and personal essay all the time, Jo...I write memoir and personal essay all the time, John, as I think you know, and I run many workshops related to this. No, you shouldn't have shared that essay with your brother. If your brother has a different memory of your father, he should write his own essay. This sounds like something William Zinsser said or wrote, and maybe he did. I live by that rule and encourage students to do the same. There's a wonderful freedom in knowing you don't have to censor yourself, you don't have to run the personal essay past all the siblings or, if they're alive, Mom and Dad. If there's an essay about childhood that I publish that might offend one of my surviving cousins or stir up conflicting memories among them, I simply don't tell them about it, nor do I post it on my website. Eventually, I'll collect and publish these pieces if I can, but I have lots more to write. Thanks for another great blog.Eileen Obserhttp://www.eileenobser.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699981774111452762.post-5605278683723392402012-05-27T15:04:47.663-07:002012-05-27T15:04:47.663-07:00Thanks, Madeline. I enjoy your posts, too. Even th...Thanks, Madeline. I enjoy your posts, too. Even though you don't have siblings with whom to compare notes about the past, I expect you have old friends with shared experiences that are remembered differently.john M. Danielhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00175415154857919353noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699981774111452762.post-18923649265354504812012-05-27T15:01:00.543-07:002012-05-27T15:01:00.543-07:00Bill, you're right: hagiography happens. Also ...Bill, you're right: hagiography happens. Also demonology, because sometimes we inflate the injustices we remember suffering. Part of writing about the past is to glorify it. Another part involves getting even.john M. Danielhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00175415154857919353noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699981774111452762.post-38602528559152925742012-05-27T14:58:11.242-07:002012-05-27T14:58:11.242-07:00Kat, maybe we writers have a way of turning memori...Kat, maybe we writers have a way of turning memories into stories, and we writers tend to make our stories bigger than life.john M. Danielhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00175415154857919353noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699981774111452762.post-50052799370301417122012-05-27T14:56:47.443-07:002012-05-27T14:56:47.443-07:00Amen, Augie.Amen, Augie.john M. Danielhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00175415154857919353noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699981774111452762.post-5994425565267432702012-05-27T14:56:18.396-07:002012-05-27T14:56:18.396-07:00You're right, Patricia. Not worth an argument,...You're right, Patricia. Not worth an argument, because nobody's going to budge. It is interesting, though, to compare notes and find out how perceptions differ.john M. Danielhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00175415154857919353noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699981774111452762.post-88558656360897531402012-05-27T10:46:55.625-07:002012-05-27T10:46:55.625-07:00Interesting post, John. As an only child without c...Interesting post, John. As an only child without children I'm always interested in "sibling" insights. My hubby has three sisters, so I'm not completely ignorant--but hearing and being there are certainly different things. So interesting your perspective on point of view, and what you took from it. <br /><br />On the light side, as an only child, I can see and say whatever I want however I want without reality calling me to task. It's my world alone--right or wrong. Most probably wrong! (smile)<br /><br />Always enjoy your posts!<br /><br />MadelineAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699981774111452762.post-40769284504099154442012-05-27T10:06:48.781-07:002012-05-27T10:06:48.781-07:00I have 8 original brothers and sisters and 5 half ...I have 8 original brothers and sisters and 5 half sibs. When we get together we do talk about Dad. None of our memories match when we talk about the same stories. We have agreed to disagree. It funny, some of our memories are the same, like cliff diving when camping in Canada (okay we ranged from 4 yrs to 9 yrs, the babies weren't born yet). No mom and dad wouldn't let us cliff dive back then, but that's my story and I'm sticking with it. Bill is right, the longer they're gone, the bigger than life they become.Kat Hinksonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06381877732736883715noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699981774111452762.post-79120384525493787732012-05-27T09:26:23.885-07:002012-05-27T09:26:23.885-07:00There's a little hagiography that comes into p...There's a little hagiography that comes into play as well. People seem to get wiser, kinder, bigger than life, in death.William Doonanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07540517192121681243noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699981774111452762.post-56240704588431087992012-05-27T05:50:37.229-07:002012-05-27T05:50:37.229-07:00How true! We lost my father a year ago this month....How true! We lost my father a year ago this month. To say I was a "Daddy's girl" is an understatement. Not only was I close to him but, in many ways, I'm a lot like him. I know my Dad wasn't perfect but I "got" him, maybe because we were so much alike. <br />However, I've learned not to talk about him with my siblings. They say I overlook his shortcomings; I say they never understood him. It's not worth the argument!Patricia Gligor's Writers Forumhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16801554698484928100noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699981774111452762.post-3994959796600618182012-05-27T01:50:52.697-07:002012-05-27T01:50:52.697-07:00John thank you for this post, when my mother was a...John thank you for this post, when my mother was alive each of her seven children thought that each one was her favorite until after her death and three of us were talking and realized that she was indeed a remarkable lady for we all thought that we were the favorite. Memorial day is a wonderful time to thank those who have protected our country, but also for those who made a difference.Augiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17848187134055619150noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699981774111452762.post-11776568681783861192012-05-26T15:55:38.313-07:002012-05-26T15:55:38.313-07:00Thanks for your comments, John, Marja, and Anne. M...Thanks for your comments, John, Marja, and Anne. Memory is a slippery thing, and I wonder why when we're asked to testify in court, we're instructed to tell "the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth." Nobody can do that. The most anyone can promise is to refrain from lying intentionally.john M. Danielhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00175415154857919353noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699981774111452762.post-89724824089037342042012-05-26T15:27:07.412-07:002012-05-26T15:27:07.412-07:00No two siblings remember their parents the same wa...No two siblings remember their parents the same way, nor do they react in a similar fashion to an identical childhood environment. <br /><br />Take for the example an alcoholic father and his two sons.<br /><br />As an adult, one refuses to drink a single drop. His sibling, however, follows the same self-destructive path of alcohol excess. What's fascinating is both ask, "What choice did I have?" to explain their clearly opposite codes of behavior.<br /><br />Great post, John!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699981774111452762.post-89002116485959122022012-05-26T14:03:36.081-07:002012-05-26T14:03:36.081-07:00Truer words were never spoken. My siblings and I h...Truer words were never spoken. My siblings and I have spirited discussions from time to time because our memories are so different, as are our ages. But sometimes you just have to write what you have to write and hope for the best. You can't please everyone. Thanks for sharing.Marjahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09528164359512905392noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-699981774111452762.post-38217727552980230242012-05-26T13:31:48.560-07:002012-05-26T13:31:48.560-07:00You are definitely right, John--memory is a creati...You are definitely right, John--memory is a creative, inaccurate record. That's also why witness accounts are taken with a grain of salt by the law.<br />In my other profession as a genealogist I often run up against such 'mistakes,' generally passed down as family legends. Many are surprised, some actually angered when evidence proves the legend to be false.jrlindermuthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09204855909246670628noreply@blogger.com